life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Loved Big....

That I am a little all over the place…is an understatement! But (and you knew that was coming) I am feeling a little more “pointed in the right direction”. For the last few years, well since the heart attack and the heart failure diagnosis I feel like I had been running a race of sorts. Doing some things wrong and incredibly expensive inevitably damaging things that did not seem to work or stave off the progress of this disease and I have done some pretty stupid foolish things just because I want to or it feels good at the moment. I do not suspect either has done much to change how this goes. What I would truly like to do is to stop beating myself up for any or either of the things I have done in my life….good and/or bad. There is only one bit of good news. In my life.... There is one thing I feel I can claim I have done well…not all of the time, but over the long haul….I have loved big.

"No Such Thing"  John Mayer

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