life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, April 10, 2017

Healing myself.....

Came home from my NY museum trip with oodles of inspiration and lungs full of fluid!  I sound like I should be in a TB ward but so far there are no signs of infection.  That is the good news; the frustrating news is to be so full of creative ideas and so low on energy!  The level of frustration is as close to maddening as I can imagine possible!   However as it turns out, I can sit quietly (low energy) and play with clay and paint and it is giving way to some interesting expression.  I was truly “turned on” by the simplicity and the meaning of the works in the Oceania section of The Met.  Some of those works dug up some unresolved battle grounds in my heart that are insisting on being explored visually.   The tall one is “Sees Right Through Me” the other is “When My Boundaries Turn into Prisons”.  There are more feelings stirring around in my heart looking for a way to get out into the real world.  I know they are kind of dark, they are the things no one wants to talk about, but they are here…in my thoughts and feelings anyway.  Pulling them out and making them real I think may help me be more aware of the negativity that haunts me. I may be unable to heal my body, but…I can heal my spirit.

"Heal Yourself"  Ruthie Foster

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