life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Thursday, April 6, 2017

I am the whole fu(#!~@ fire!

Every now and again, I find myself sinking…sinking physically and emotionally...it sucks! But I am learning that my source of strength cannot come from outside of me.  Although, I recognize that the things outside of me are totally capable of taking my strength away and that truly seems so unfair!  Even if strength could be magically delivered from one person to another, it would never be the right size, never the correct amount; actually it might never be enough.  I imagine that I could literally suck the life out of the very people I love without really meaning to.  My strength has to come from me and only me. We all know that no one can do this for us but there is a part of me that wishes they could.  

Art holds my lesson.  The work that proves to me that something of worth, something that can fill my heart with value can come from unrelated stuff and nothingness. I am the ingredient, the strength that causes that to happen.  The times that I cannot whip up the feelings of strength and value of just being here is when it is the most important time for me to get back in to my studio….that is the one place where I am the whole fucking fire!

"Me" Paula Cole

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