Every now and again, I find myself sinking…sinking physically and emotionally...it sucks! But I am learning that my source of strength cannot come from outside of me. Although, I recognize that the things outside of me are totally capable of taking my strength away and that truly seems so unfair! Even if strength could be magically delivered from one person to another, it would never be the right size, never the correct amount; actually it might never be enough. I imagine that I could literally suck the life out of the very people I love without really meaning to. My strength has to come from me and only me. We all know that no one can do this for us but there is a part of me that wishes they could.
Art holds my lesson. The work that proves to me that something of worth, something that can fill my heart with value can come from unrelated stuff and nothingness. I am the ingredient, the strength that causes that to happen. The times that I cannot whip up the feelings of strength and value of just being here is when it is the most important time for me to get back in to my studio….that is the one place where I am the whole fucking fire!
"Me" Paula Cole