life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, July 2, 2016

those parts of me can no longer exist......

I am not what I once was. I know that I need to release the past. The pain of my childhood prejudices, family complications, my marital dysfunction, and the thousands upon thousands of my own disappointments, failures and the little lies I tell myself. I have been looking to release events, people, and memories of my past. I am not saying that they do not need to be let go of, there is no doubt in my mind that hanging on to them would be horribly damaging…….but I need to let go of parts of me.  Embrace the idea that I have changed, I am not who I once was.

Who and what I am now is not what I used to be. For me to go on and face the life ahead of me, as the person I “was”, is a sure recipe for my own miserable demise.  I am not who I was in the past, I do not need to know how this turns out I just know I have to change. I have to let go of what I embodied in the past, those parts of me can no longer exist!
"So Beautiful or So What?"  Paul Simon

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