life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, July 2, 2016

those parts of me can no longer exist......

I am not what I once was. I know that I need to release the past. The pain of my childhood prejudices, family complications, my marital dysfunction, and the thousands upon thousands of my own disappointments, failures and the little lies I tell myself. I have been looking to release events, people, and memories of my past. I am not saying that they do not need to be let go of, there is no doubt in my mind that hanging on to them would be horribly damaging…….but I need to let go of parts of me.  Embrace the idea that I have changed, I am not who I once was.

Who and what I am now is not what I used to be. For me to go on and face the life ahead of me, as the person I “was”, is a sure recipe for my own miserable demise.  I am not who I was in the past, I do not need to know how this turns out I just know I have to change. I have to let go of what I embodied in the past, those parts of me can no longer exist!
"So Beautiful or So What?"  Paul Simon

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