life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Fear Slips in....


Fear slips in!
I ignore it, I fight it, I discount it….I do everything I know how to do to keep it at bay.  I spend massive amounts of my own energy controlling it and hiding it.  Then just one day, a few scary episodes and the fucking fear floods in and takes over…..everything!

The idea of my most exciting dreams and my most gut wrenching fears existing in the same place somehow gives me a look at it from a little different perspective and please please please make it just a little more tolerable!  I can do this….I can do this….I can do this!


"We May never Pass this Way Again" Seals & Croft

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