life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Friday, July 15, 2016

I am Exposed!

Excited because I am about to begin a weeks’ vacation at the beach, scared because for the first time my chest and open heart surgery scar will be exposed.  I have gone to great lengths kept it covered, although recently I have worn shirts that are a bit open at the neck line that have revealed a little bit of this scar.  But now….at the beach…it will be unavoidably visible to family, friends, and strangers.  Are they going to stare, see that I have been broken, and feel sorry for me?  I hate all of those feelings!

After tears and fears...I am going, I am playing with my 4 grandsons, swimming in the ocean, volleyball in the pool, kites from the dunes and wine coolers (everywhere) and it is going to show.  I have been and still am so vulnerable, but I cannot let it keep me from living!  I am exposed!
"You and Your Heart"  Jack Johnson

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