life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, July 15, 2016

I am Exposed!

Excited because I am about to begin a weeks’ vacation at the beach, scared because for the first time my chest and open heart surgery scar will be exposed.  I have gone to great lengths kept it covered, although recently I have worn shirts that are a bit open at the neck line that have revealed a little bit of this scar.  But now….at the beach…it will be unavoidably visible to family, friends, and strangers.  Are they going to stare, see that I have been broken, and feel sorry for me?  I hate all of those feelings!

After tears and fears...I am going, I am playing with my 4 grandsons, swimming in the ocean, volleyball in the pool, kites from the dunes and wine coolers (everywhere) and it is going to show.  I have been and still am so vulnerable, but I cannot let it keep me from living!  I am exposed!
"You and Your Heart"  Jack Johnson

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