life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Something real is here....

I always knew I was stronger than “the average bear”.  Perhaps being a red head, I had a built in reputation of fiery, opinionated and being strong willed to live up to. Or maybe I deliberately put myself in a situation that the only way I could survive was to use and hone those skills.

 Regardless of the circumstances and who or why they were created what developed was a woman with strength.  Although I often wasted that strength trying to please and control others, I did develop it!  Never in a million years did I imagine that I would have to direct the strength I had created at myself.  And yes maybe I am a bit crazy, it would not be the first time I had been accused of that, but I have this nagging feeling there is something inside of me that is important, that someone or a lot of someones are looking for. Something that is going to take an unimaginable amount of strength to realize. I have no idea what it is, but I have this feeling there is something real here that the world needs.
"This Feeling"  Alabama Shakes

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