life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, July 11, 2016


Sometimes I wonder if being aware is one of the huge secrets of life!  It is another one of those magic life lessons that no one ever talks about!  I thought being aware and paying attention were the same thing. I can remember as a child teachers scolding me. “You do not pay attention”, but that was in school and for the most part it was boring and for the geeky kids...I wanted to so badly to be cool!  I do not think anyone ever told me exactly what being AWARE was and that it was not just about paying attention to facts, figures, rules or situations although that can be a big part of it. Mindful, alert, conscious, awake….all of those words are how I experienced aware, never joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely!  Now I am coming to understand it can be so much more!  According to the dictionary aware is “knowing that something exists because you notice it or realize that it is happening”.  I want to notice joy, and happiness, and compassion, and wonderful color, and amazing people and the list goes on and on.  I was never taught how to be aware of the things in life I wanted to be aware of.   I am learning that choosing what I want to be aware of (NOT what others think I should be aware of) can change me …change my life! I want to be aware of the magic, the secrets, the incredible gifts and the mysteries of my life!
"Shine"  Jason Mraz

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