life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, July 26, 2016

I am still waiting....


My todays often feel like reflections of the joy, the love, the energy that I used to have. There is so much still to learn about how this life, my love and this body works.  There are times I feel at odds with it, frustrated and angry when it refuses to cooperate with me. What happened to the life that I did not even have to think about these things?  There are days that  I do  wake up feeling magnificent, full of energy and ready to tackle my life but long before I am done, I find my body failing even though my head, my creativity, my excitement is still so strong and wanting. This level of exasperation is maddening. How do I find the elusive balance I need?  Does it even exist? Somewhere between not giving up and having a spectacular life there just has to be a sweet spot! What do I have to do to find it?  I want to be friends with my heart, my body….I am still waiting ...I am still waiting...How do I do this?
"Reflections"  Dianna Ross & The Supremes

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