life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

I am still waiting....

My todays often feel like reflections of the joy, the love, the energy that I used to have. There is so much still to learn about how this life, my love and this body works.  There are times I feel at odds with it, frustrated and angry when it refuses to cooperate with me. What happened to the life that I did not even have to think about these things?  There are days that  I do  wake up feeling magnificent, full of energy and ready to tackle my life but long before I am done, I find my body failing even though my head, my creativity, my excitement is still so strong and wanting. This level of exasperation is maddening. How do I find the elusive balance I need?  Does it even exist? Somewhere between not giving up and having a spectacular life there just has to be a sweet spot! What do I have to do to find it?  I want to be friends with my heart, my body….I am still waiting ...I am still waiting...How do I do this?
"Reflections"  Dianna Ross & The Supremes

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