life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, April 10, 2015

Walking away from the train wreck...

Today I feel like I am walking away from a train wreck.  Saw it coming, knew it was going to happen, and I should have been totally ready for the impact…but I was not.

Yesterday was heart cath day, This is just one of have had several I have had over the years.  They are explosively invasive tests that literally make a small incision in the femoral artery and run a wire directly into my heart.  I hate these things; there is absolutely nothing that makes me feel more vulnerable than this test where I am required to bare my crotch and my heart to complete strangers.   The test went well, but the results sucked.  I have known for 5 years that I have heart failure, I have known since the beginning that it is terminal, I have known for the past few weeks that things are changing and now I understand why.  The train wreck has happened, I just have to get up off the ground, brush myself off, gather up my courage and keep walking away from it......keep moving forward.
"All About Your Heart"  Mindy Gledhill

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