life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, April 10, 2015

Walking away from the train wreck...

Today I feel like I am walking away from a train wreck.  Saw it coming, knew it was going to happen, and I should have been totally ready for the impact…but I was not.

Yesterday was heart cath day, This is just one of have had several I have had over the years.  They are explosively invasive tests that literally make a small incision in the femoral artery and run a wire directly into my heart.  I hate these things; there is absolutely nothing that makes me feel more vulnerable than this test where I am required to bare my crotch and my heart to complete strangers.   The test went well, but the results sucked.  I have known for 5 years that I have heart failure, I have known since the beginning that it is terminal, I have known for the past few weeks that things are changing and now I understand why.  The train wreck has happened, I just have to get up off the ground, brush myself off, gather up my courage and keep walking away from it......keep moving forward.
"All About Your Heart"  Mindy Gledhill

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