life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Wednesday, April 22, 2015


Thursday approaches, the day that I suspect I will receive the definitive information about what my options are.  Options, treatments, instructions (whatever I want to call them) I can hardly say the words revascularization,  LVAD and transplant.  For the past year she has constantly thrown out options that require surgical interventions.  These new options are preceded by valve replacement and an ICD implant that never came to fruition with no explanation why.  Is this time any different?  Are the words used to scare me into submission?  Am I caught up in the broken medical industry that has greedily turned its sights on me as a stream of income instead of a living feeling breathing person with a beginning and an end?  Meanwhile the world goes on. 

"Wild Geese" written and read by Mary Oliver

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