life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Wednesday, April 22, 2015


Thursday approaches, the day that I suspect I will receive the definitive information about what my options are.  Options, treatments, instructions (whatever I want to call them) I can hardly say the words revascularization,  LVAD and transplant.  For the past year she has constantly thrown out options that require surgical interventions.  These new options are preceded by valve replacement and an ICD implant that never came to fruition with no explanation why.  Is this time any different?  Are the words used to scare me into submission?  Am I caught up in the broken medical industry that has greedily turned its sights on me as a stream of income instead of a living feeling breathing person with a beginning and an end?  Meanwhile the world goes on. 

"Wild Geese" written and read by Mary Oliver

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