life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Saturday, April 25, 2015

This is the Beginning.....

I get to start over, I now have a plan, all of the wandering, waiting, fear of making the wrong decision is over and it really is a new beginning! I have officially, with my doctors consent and blessing, discontinued the testing for cardiac viability and heart transplant. I will soon have an ICD (internal cardiac defiblirator) implanted. In everything I have ever read about this kind of long term disease there has never been anything said about this kind lack of dread…or maybe they did and I just could not recognize it.  Maybe this is acceptance, that illusive final stage!  Maybe I could not get that wonderful last step of Kubler-Ross until the doctors acknowledged that I was dying.  Maybe there had to be some kind of official acknowledgment before I would allow myself to get to acceptance.  Whatever the reason,  there has been a completely unexpected feeling of happiness.  Now we (me and my doctors) have a plan, now I can move forward, and do anything I want….No more standing still, no more waiting….only living!  This is a beautiful new beginning!

"Hold on-I'm Coming"  Sam & Dave

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