I get to start over, I now have a plan, all of the wandering, waiting, fear of making the wrong decision is over and it really is a new beginning! I have officially, with my doctors consent and blessing, discontinued the testing for cardiac viability and heart transplant. I will soon have an ICD (internal cardiac defiblirator) implanted. In everything I have ever read about this kind of long term disease there has never been anything said about this kind lack of dread…or maybe they did and I just could not recognize it. Maybe this is acceptance, that illusive final stage! Maybe I could not get that wonderful last step of Kubler-Ross until the doctors acknowledged that I was dying. Maybe there had to be some kind of official acknowledgment before I would allow myself to get to acceptance. Whatever the reason, there has been a completely unexpected feeling of happiness. Now we (me and my doctors) have a plan, now I can move forward, and do anything I want….No more standing still, no more waiting….only living! This is a beautiful new beginning!
"Hold on-I'm Coming" Sam & Dave