life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, July 20, 2012


I have rediscovered one of my excellent talents that I thought I had long since walked away from,

It is my ability to seek out and find people, situations, and in general anything that will keep me from doing the work I love, that I am good at and that I am meant to do.

The question of how this has reemerged in my life is nowhere near as important as the why. The how is easy, it always is. The why I deliberately damage my ability to create art and myself is hard.  

This time, I recognized my ugly behavior before it consumed me. Is it enough to recognize self-sabotage to stop it or do I need to understand why I do it?

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