life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, July 22, 2012

It's Alright to Cry...

So much going on right now! Creating, framing, organizing, IRS and scholarship applications, teaching, house repairs and on and on and on. I used to be able to handle this (and more) without missing a step or breaking a sweat. It just flowed. Now I find every little piece of this life is a struggle, nothing coming easy!

My heart and body conspire to rebel at every inappropriate opportunity without consulting with me and certainly without my permission!

My ability to balance what I want to do and what this body is capable of doing is still exasperating. Each day is different, some days this body seems to be perfectly willing to allow me to accomplish anything and everything I want it to do, and then without warning, another day will arrive and it protests every move I make. There is no detectable rhyme or reason for which day will be good and which day will be bad. No way to predict and work around it, there are days there is nothing I can do but cry, then get back up and keep moving.

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