What?..... They don't?..... How the HELL did that happen?

When I was young my parents used the term half-truths to describe how I wheedled my way out of punishable offenses.  I suspect it may be in the DNA because both of my own sons were also experts at half-truths.  I would have bet my left elbow that one, if not both would grow up to be litigating attorneys. And for the record…half-truths, then (by my parents & I)  and now (as I watch my own sons parent), carry the same punishable results as lies.

  

Thank goodness, the term “alternate facts” had not yet made an appearance!  In the past, most of us listened to the different opinions, beliefs and views of others and had enlightening although often times contentious discussions.  When it was done and over we still respected one another.  We shared/argued points of views without condemning each other personally or feeling like it was our duty to change their minds and have them agree with us. 

  

The unfortunate typical childish technique now being used by so many adults, including our top political officials of  evading uncomfortable questions with irrelevant accusations and presenting “alternate facts” (AKA half-truths) is baffling.  However, the new twist of condemning the inquirer (and those associated) as unfairly attacking, aggressive, dishonest, and morally corrupt…. makes me crazy and…..I need no help with that and thank goodness my sons are grown!

"Be Honest"  Jason Mraz

Pussy Hat FAIL

My intentions were to crochet myself a pussy hat in solidarity for today's Woman's March in DC and the world, unfortunately there was a minor glitch in the plan....I do not know how to crochet, and as it turns out...I am a slow crochet learner!

All of you amazing marchers (and crochet-ers) have my greatest admiration and appreciation!


"I'm a Woman"  Koko Taylor
(that cannot crochet)

"It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official."

 Theodore Roosevelt's words  “Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.”

"They Know"  Eric Bibb

....the right thing.

In all of my life…I have never experienced an election or the politics of this past year. 

My heart aches to watch our country honor and bow to the unacceptable behaviors we would not accept from our own children, friends or loved ones.  It is my sincerest hope that good people with high ideals of peace, love and common good for all people will continue to lawfully press to the fullest extent our senators and representatives to do the right thing. 

"What's Going On"  Marvin Gaye

"ALT" TV

I am not sure I have ever been so grateful for “ALT” TV! 

I have tried over and over and over again to give this almost president… my honor and respect and each time he proves he does not deserve it….My sons would have been punished for making up stories for no other reason than degrade and undermine others…calling people debasing names…humiliating women….lying about money business dealings…making undeliverable promises…taking credit for other people’s work….cheating people….  I never supported that kind of behavior then, and I cannot celebrate or watch it today.

With sincere apologies and a desire to do the right thing I can forgive anyone and anything…but....

"Same as it Ever Was"  Michael Franti

Middle finger at the ready!

Yeh..yeh…I am working on it…But it is not easy!

There is a fine, wicked and difficult line to cross when we get to this point in life, and there are not many that are even willing to talk about it…and this includes me.  I made a decision to move forward.   I want the same medical industry that has frustrated the hooey out of me, to reply and respect my decision.  But at this point there has been absolutely no response.  I guess I should not be surprised; I just need to stick to my guns, be strong, and keep my middle finger at the ready!

"Waiting for my Real Life to Begin"  Colin Hay

Palliative Care

My dear friends, this is not how I wanted to share this with you, so please accept my apologies right up front. The thought of calling each of you separately and having to explain it  over and over again, was more than I could do...But it was important to me  that you hear this from me with calm resolved love and I did not want you to find out from others and panic unnecessarily.   Six weeks ago, after long soul searching and 6 years of extremely difficult, painful and expensive curative care I chose to begin palliative care through a local hospice organization.

I know the word hospice is scary, believe me...I know, but I need you all to understand that it is different now.  Hospice is the only way, in the state of Florida where terminal patients can receive palliative care, and palliative care is the type of medical care that is going to help me have the best  most productive, happy life I possibly can with all of the medical and emotional support I need.

Before making this decision, I had the most amazing opportunity to spend some time with a nationally known palliative care physician, Dr. Ihrig, He has been a magnificent gift to me and we still communicate via email and phone. It was a strange and unusual set of circumstances that brought him into my life and I truly believe that the Universe had a great deal to do with it.  He has a TED talk that I suspect will explain palliative care and my feelings much better than I ever could,  I have included his video if you want to understand more.  I love you all…. And I need you to know….I am not quitting….I am choosing to live the best life I can!

Ya' think ???

For those that think I have my shit together….all I can say is….I believe they are still accepting nominations for this years “Oscars”, I’ll send you the form, you can write in my name!

Between life changes, Trump inauguration (aughhhh), and general massive frustration, I feel like the tarnish is settling in on my “sparkle”.  Maybe I just need to go out somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs…hit something or someone.  Because I need my fucking sparkle…that’s why!

"Angry Eyes"  Loggins & Messina
I forgot how GREAT this song was, listening to it again...and again...and again

Secret Language

I have heard this all my life, gave it lip service all of my life, but did not really understand what it meant until recently.  I think I have mentioned before that the work has almost become my secret language.  I can say just about anything I want to say, regardless of how rude, opinionated, or inappropriate it may be….I can say it.  The fact that most will not understand it does not seem to make a difference to me….I just need to say it…and it does feel very good to say it.

"Everybody's Talking"  Harry Nilson

Submitted!

Up early, photographed work (that was finished enough to photo, but still needs work),corrected and formatted for submission, then sent them to "Nude Nite"now I cross my fingers and.... w a i t.
The worst part of all of this!

"Say What You Need to Say" 40 x 60

"Curves" 22 x 32

"Art" Tanya Davis

Looked into a fire and smiling!

It has been a week (and then some)….I had all but thrown my hands up and said “I quit” it has been a really really hard couple of months!  Then after saying “no” I am too sick to do Nude Nite this year….I asked myself why…..why not?  It is doing what I love doing. Creating and painting may just be how I have learned to love myself.  The last few days have been particularly brutal, failing frequently trying to create something new and different (for me).  I am pooped, I am sore, and my brain is “mush” but I have finished, well finished  and satisfied enough to photograph and send into the jury.  

I have looked into the fire and I am smiling!  Stay tuned for whether or not I am accepted in the exhibition!

"Bruised not Broken"  Joss Sone

Say it OUT LOUD!

Energy….I want more ‘effing energy. 

I want to paint and create and LIVE . 

I want my heart to work right. 

I want a life of happy, creative, fun, loving, and yes….. perhaps a little naughty  stuff!

(I have pushed way past my boundary painting for Nude Nite…..I hope I get in!)

And since I have never said it out loud....

"Trump is an asshole"!

"Say What You Want to"  Sheryl Crow

So here is a new one....you know you are just way too tired when you step into the shower while still wearing your underwear....Holy Crap!

I am busy...... painting

It is hard to explain….when so much of life has been spent taking care of others, taking care of me often makes me feel guilty and selfish…..although I will confess…that when I am creating I have no problem saying not now, later or NO.  

So please add “I am busy painting” first on this list!

"Turn, Turn, Turn"  The Byrds

Say What You Need to Say.....progress...

OMG…I think it might work!....2 days….no sagging….wish I could say the same thing about me!  Got other weirdness in the works that are equally, if not more engineering-ly challenged. Now that I know it will work, I can keep working and finish... AND NO…I just do not seem to be able to work flat.

"Say What You Need to Say"  John Mayer

"Take all of your wasted honor

Every little past frustration

Take all of your so-called problems,

Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you'd be better off instead,

If you could only . . .

 Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in

Have no fear for giving over

You'd better know that in the end

It's better to say too much

Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open (a wide heart)

 Say what you need to say"

John Mayer

...and bite me in the ass

There are some days that feel just like this...  I do not plan them….they do not announce themselves…they just happen.  They sneak up behind me when I least expect them and quite frankly when I think I am at my most vulnerable.....and bite me in the ass.  I know all creating comes with disgusting amounts of doubt and fear, but yesterday the emotional and physical exhaustion  it produced, bit me in the ass, chewed me up, and then spit me out!

"Have a Little Faith"  Michael Franti

Woman Driver

This silly little “bean car” (because from the side it looks like a bean) has been around for all of the Evans grandchildren!  Beginning with Oliver 13 years ago.  I found it at a neighborhood garage sale, who knows how old it was even then.  Our first “drives” with Oliver were in St. Augustine at the Christmas parade.  It has been a part of every Evans little person since then.  Nana’s  silly little “bean car” has a new home and its very first woman driver and its very last Evans little driver, but oh my is she a cute one!

"Drive My Car"  The Beatles

FEISTY is on the way!

I have been officially labeled non-compliant for a while now….no big deal….but then yesterday I received an email regarding my s-icd that reminded me I should be proud of it! In fact, I am fairly certain, they should be the ones labeled non-compliant! Holy Crap! Watch out..... FEISTY is on it's way!

"I'm a Loser" The Beatles

!t wAs a gReAT yEAr!

I know...I know...I am running late on this one....but this big canvas for the Nude Nite jury date 1/12 is chapping my ass!  Paddling as fast as I can, but dear god....I am much slower than I used to be!
Wait for it...the video seems to be like me sLOw (to load)!

I am the lucky one!

Living and celebrating!  I cannot remember who said this and on top of that, I am going to paraphrase poorly, but what keeps ringing in heart, is “you do not really figure out how to live, until you realize you are dying”.  And here is the real ugly part, by the time you figure this out; there will most likely be gross physical, mental or financial limitations.

 I am the lucky one!  These things have applied to me however I am still functioning, frustratingly slow and overwhelmingly tired, but wonderfully with little physical pain.  When I do function…. it is good.  I have my creativity, received unbelievable financial gift and  the most amazing hospice team…..

I AM LIVING!

"Walk the Walk"  Eric Bibb

What you.....

This works….I know it does! Well, it works for everything except for cellulite.  Creatives seem to have some of this kind of thought process automatically ingrained in us….but I suspect we all do!  I think we become afraid that our own thoughts and/or wants will make us different and not fit in with what others think we should be….  We cave into the social pressures of things like church, family, community, doctors, lovers, friends and this list can go on and on and on.  But as we get older, we have to answer the question, was this the life I wanted to live. Think, feel, imagine…I am creating myself!

"Evolve"  Anni DiFranco