life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

but.....It's ME who is my enemy


I am not the person who is singing, I am the silent one inside.
I am not the one who laughs at people's jokes.  
I just pacify their egos.
I am not my house, my car or my songs, 
They are only stops along my way.
I am like the winter; I'm a dark cold female, 
With a golden ring of wisdom in my cave.
And it's me who is my enemy Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters Me who strips my confidence
I am carrying my voice I am carrying my heart.
I am carrying my rhythm I am carrying my prayers,
but you can't kill my spirit, it's old and it is strong,
And like a mountain I'll go on and on. 
But when my wings are folded,
The brightly colored moth blends into the dirt into the ground
And it's me who is my enemy.  Me who beats me up.
Me who makes the monsters. Me who strips my confidence.
And it's me who's too weak, 
And it's me who's too shy to ask for the thing I love.
And it's me who's too weak, 
And it's me who's too shy to ask for the thing I love.But I love
I am walking on the bridge, I am over the water,
And I'm scared as hell But I know there's something better.
(Yes I know, yes I know, yes I know, yes I know)
                                             "Me" Paula Cole

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