life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

but.....It's ME who is my enemy


I am not the person who is singing, I am the silent one inside.
I am not the one who laughs at people's jokes.  
I just pacify their egos.
I am not my house, my car or my songs, 
They are only stops along my way.
I am like the winter; I'm a dark cold female, 
With a golden ring of wisdom in my cave.
And it's me who is my enemy Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters Me who strips my confidence
I am carrying my voice I am carrying my heart.
I am carrying my rhythm I am carrying my prayers,
but you can't kill my spirit, it's old and it is strong,
And like a mountain I'll go on and on. 
But when my wings are folded,
The brightly colored moth blends into the dirt into the ground
And it's me who is my enemy.  Me who beats me up.
Me who makes the monsters. Me who strips my confidence.
And it's me who's too weak, 
And it's me who's too shy to ask for the thing I love.
And it's me who's too weak, 
And it's me who's too shy to ask for the thing I love.But I love
I am walking on the bridge, I am over the water,
And I'm scared as hell But I know there's something better.
(Yes I know, yes I know, yes I know, yes I know)
                                             "Me" Paula Cole

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