life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Genuine Me

I, and I suspect most of us, have spent a good part of our lives living up to other peoples expectations. I was so busy molding my life into a functioning and publicly acceptable product that I never really became a genuine me.

As this disease unfolded, I found myself looking to others for the correct acceptable role to play. A few soap opera characters popped up right away the martyr, the poor young thing and the tower of strength. All of these personas worked for a little while, but I found that at the end of the day I was emotionally exhausted from wearing a mask that was not me.

This disease is making me search for the genuine me. I am learning move closer to my fear, make friends with myself and trust that my broken heart will lead the way to the genuine me.

But...be on guard my soap opera characters often pop out uninvited when I am confused and do not know what to do or how to act.

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