life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Loop

I am desperately trying to move though my own grief. I have done denial, extremely well I might add but I am struggling with consistent acceptance. I manage acceptance admirably for short periods of time, then I easily slip back into denial, which can instantly morph into depression, that can be quickly relieved with denial. Denial-acceptance-depression-denial-acceptance is a vicious loop I cannot seem to break.

I am desperately seeking the emotional tools that will move me through my own grief to find peace.

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