For the past several years, going to the Dave Matthew's Band concert
July/Tampa has been a summer rite of passage for this old
woman. A reminder that I can "hang" with the best of them and that the music I love will heal and energize me. This year I am afraid it is going
to be one of the first real casualties of my heart. The crowds, the walking and climbing up into
the stands of an outdoor venue, the heat and yes maybe even the beer drinking….(how can you go to a
DMB concert without beer????) have
become more and more difficult. I love
the music, the excitement and watching creatives enjoying their work…. But, for the first time I am having to make
choices….real choices and I do not like it...I do not like it at all! 
If 2 “wrongs” do not make a “right”, Can 2 really bad screw
ups finally produce an “I meant to do that” moment?
An S-ICD (an implanted defibrillator) and these statistics are the reason I feel so much more confident, happy, more willing to try new things, to live, to love like I have not had the chance to in the past 5 years. It is the most amazing opportunity at a second chance and I am not wasting it. I am going to enjoy every minute every second on everything wonderful, fun and alive this life has to offer me! What a lucky woman I am!
Check…check…check and check!
It is not always easy but it is always worth it! Amazing that a 12th century poet
named Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī
from Persia (now Afghanistan) is currently
the #1 selling poet in the United States. Even way back then, we were told to conform, be comfortable,
do not challenge the rules, and care about what others think of you. But clearly Rumi suggests that greatness and
happiness comes from doing just the opposite.
No wonder he is the #1 poet!
There are small but crazy amazing coincidences in life that
point to the basic theory that there must be something bigger, more magic than
any of us can truly understand. When the
moon is full, more babies are born and more crimes are committed without
logical explanation, but I think one of the biggest unanswered “coincidences”
is that the moon and women both have 28 day cycles. 
I suspect for most southerners a blooming magnolia tree in
the yard is no big deal….but for me….It is huge! 
Predictable and reliable became synonymous in my mind and in my life and
both of them were necessary to be successful.
I do not want to be predictable, but have strained to be just that. In my art I was advised to stick with one
style, in my life as a wife and parent the same advice was constantly given. It was always difficult and uncomfortable,
but like most of life, that is expected if you want to be a good person. It
just cannot be that black or white. I am a good person. I
can be reliable and NOT predictable! 
There have always been a few dear loved ones that did not care that I did not
fit in and always supported my “unfitinedness”
(un-fit-in'-ed-ness – the unbelievable ability to NOT fit in and not care what
others think..... and very similar to unfuckwithable...there is a theme developing here!) I will be forever grateful
to that handful of lovelies in my life that encourage me to live, play, love,
go after anything and everything I want from life, no matter what. They do not know it, but they have saved my
life over and over and over again!
I used to be so angry with my parents, teachers, rules,
employers, society and any other entity that extolled the virtues of “fitting
in” or “doing what everyone else was doing”.
Just being “good enough” was a full time program for me. Appearing ordinary took all of the strength I
had. I was chronically reminded that I
had never attained really attained ordinary, I certainly was not good enough to even
consider exquisite. I do not want to be
angry anymore……
WARNING….grousing ahead!.....When I tell you there is a hockey puck in my boob…I am not
kidding! Now add the fact that I put on a bra that just mashes that thing into
my ribs and I think I have is a permanent bruise on my ribs. It is a chronic
daily OUCH! I know (and I am grateful)
for everything it does and will do for me.
But the everyday pain provoked by an evening of lifting and installing
art….it is screaming today! Grrrrrrr......
