On a daily basis…I ask myself….”What Next?” I mean it may sound silly, until you are in this lousy boat. Like do you start any long-term projects or relationships? Well Hell…do you start anything at all? Will I get to finish them? I have asked myself that a thousand times …ummm, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I have thought about it many times, at least…the emotional part of this is worse than the physical part. There are all kinds of explanations for the causes and how to deal with the physical stuff…but the emotional part…there is nothing. Well, that may be an exaggeration, too. There has been some support from hospice, like getting the final legal stuff and funeral crap in order, and that is a good thing, it does bring me some peace. The “real” this is how I feel or I want to feel is sorely ignored. Hospice has a program to help my friends and family members deal with this…But I am in the corner screaming….What about me? It is like the world is shouting, just shut up, it is uncomfortable for everyone, no one wants to hear about this. But I would give a million dollars to know that someone else feels the same way about their own end of life that I do. Grieving the life I will not have, while I am still here…It is crazy isn’t it?
"Have a Little Faith" Michael Franti
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