I was broken long before the heart attack…but no one including me recognized broken. The best way to explain it….is spending every moment of my own life living up to other people’s ideas of what a good person does, judging my own self-worth by the amount of money I could generate. It wasn't that anyone forced me to think this way, but I did choose not to think for myself...I just plain did not know how. What I did figure out how to do was own my own business, chronically volunteer at the kid's schools, Jaycees, City Advisory boards, multiple Arts Organizations executive positions and Arts boards to increase my own pathetic ideas of other peoples ideas of success. Between this I did a horrible job at keeping my house, raising my children and taking care of me. It wasn’t until just recently as I have resigned from boards, most other volunteering and facilitating that I have had the time to figure out what makes me. I am recognizing how much I needed to be put back together…most people never knew how broken I have been or how hard I was working to make myself whole again. I no longer need the critical world, I know better than anyone exactly where my cracks are.
"Perfect Girl" Sarah McLachlan
No comments:
Post a Comment