life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, December 26, 2014

Very Very Real

"Confronting Congestive Heart Failure, 
Putting a Positive Spin on Fighting CHF"
That is the group I belong to. The first support group I have really been a part of.  I have joined others, but after a few days or meetings, it was clear that they were big fat whiners. Almost like a stupid competition of who had the biggest scars, took the most medicine, or had the worst doctor.  Nothing could have been more depressing or unproductive.  I have avoided them like the plague, until this group.  They are real, there are real discussions, questions and answers, for the most part they are all incredibly brave and positive about life, committed to not letting this disease consume their lives and very insightful.  I have only been a member for a couple of months,but this week we lost a group member.  He died, he died of heart failure. I have known for quite some time I will die of this, this week it became very, very real and sometimes I am very scared.
"Road of the Heart"  Ann Reed      
when something happens to me, 
they should be told, they would want to know  
             

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