life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, December 11, 2013

sURpriSe !!!!!!

You all came together, surprised the crap out of me, celebrating my BA in Arts Administration (UMASS)! I have never been so grateful, touched and honored. No formal graduation could have ever meant more to me.

For 15 years, I have met with creatives every summer and each second Sunday of the month for the rest of the year in a little classroom behind the Casselberry Art House Gallery. We have been on a collective creative journey. We have held each other’s hearts, we have shepherded each other’s talents, learned how to let go of the past, honored our inspirations, to create, sing, dance, write, draw, sculpt, paint and use our bodies, our imaginations and all of our talents to the fullest. Then….we put it all on exhibition! It is far from the typical bunch of artists!

I have always wondered….am I good enough, was I making a difference. Frankly, most of the time, I have felt like a giant fraud and any minute you would all figure out that it has never really been about me teaching you, but the other way around, you teaching me. Over the years, you have all given me so much. The most incredible creatives have come into my life through that back room, we have learned, laughed, cried and grown together. You have given me the greatest gift, the gift of meaning to my art and my life.

I am so grateful to have you all in my life. Thank you Joy & Wendy for organizing, Thank you creatives, painters, sculptors, musicians, writers, drawers, family and friends, for being here, celebrating this milestone with me. Thank you all for the marvelous gifts, cards, oodles of champagne, killer cake, yummy food but most of all the incredible scrap book you made for me. Your kindness, your generosity, your love and all of your incredible talents will live in my heart forever. Thank you is just not a big enough word to tell you all how I feel! But, until we create a bigger better word it is the best I can do….again…Thank you all!

And no…… I still do not know what I want to do when I grow up!

"Thank You" Natalie Merchant

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