life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Screw the Rules!

Mark Twain
I have spent a lifetime being (and not very well) what someone else has dictated I should be, following all of the rules. Most of the time I do not know who those “someones” are, I have never met them but they are experts and made the rules and I have followed them. How to look, act, how much money I should have, how a lady behaves,  how a mother should raise children, how a wife should honor her husband, when a mother in-law should speak, the list goes on and on.  I have done all of these things by the rules.  Sometimes they worked, but more often they didn’t. 
Every time they didn’t, I felt like a failure. These “someones” judge me, they are voices in my head, they are always critical, they always point out everything I have done wrong and continue to do wrong without any consideration to what makes me happy.

It is my turn to be happy…. 
As long as I am not hurting anyone else
 …screw the rules!
 "Back to Life" EnVogue

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