life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, December 8, 2013

Screw the Rules!

Mark Twain
I have spent a lifetime being (and not very well) what someone else has dictated I should be, following all of the rules. Most of the time I do not know who those “someones” are, I have never met them but they are experts and made the rules and I have followed them. How to look, act, how much money I should have, how a lady behaves,  how a mother should raise children, how a wife should honor her husband, when a mother in-law should speak, the list goes on and on.  I have done all of these things by the rules.  Sometimes they worked, but more often they didn’t. 
Every time they didn’t, I felt like a failure. These “someones” judge me, they are voices in my head, they are always critical, they always point out everything I have done wrong and continue to do wrong without any consideration to what makes me happy.

It is my turn to be happy…. 
As long as I am not hurting anyone else
 …screw the rules!
           
 "Back to Life" EnVogue

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