life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Friday, May 25, 2012

Screwing Up My Courage!

Knees are shaking, heart is pounding…
This year’s summer Artist’s Way group is about to begin and my first thought is to run like hell to a safe hide out.  I worry that I will not have enough breath to talk as much as I need to especially the first class, when it is all me. 
I wonder how many of the new members of the group, will notice. 
Or will they care?
Can I be as candid, outrageous and enthusiastic as I need to be?  Can I still dance, sing and laugh like I used to? 
Can I let go of all of my fears and ego to embrace my own creativity enough to guide them back to theirs?
I have mourned the loss of the life I knew waiting patiently for a new life to miraculously appear…
It has not….
I am the one that allowed heart failure to take them away from me and now I want them back! 
It is time for me to screw up my courage and go get my life!

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