life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Uncertainty

For someone that felt dependable when it came to keeping commitments (one of the few things I felt I was really good at!) this sudden uncertainty for me to make good on all of my plans is a source of tremendous anxiety and stress. Although I rarely feel 100%, I do, like most chronically sick people, have days that I function better than others. I just cannot predict what days those will be. As a result I end up feeling absolutely miserable when I make plans for a certain day and am just unable to follow through. Uncertainty sucks!

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