life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, July 15, 2011

Conserving Energy

Last month the heart failure clinic taught me a host of little physical “tricks” to conserve my energy.

I needed it! I have allowed so much of my life energy to be wasted on negative emotional energy created by the medical industry’s inefficiencies.

Each medical entity (doctor’s office, testing lab, hospital, Medicaid, etc.) appears to work well within their own system. The negative issues seem to crop up when they have to work together. The medical industry is incredibly compartmentalized and critical communication is disturbingly absent.

Tests had been ordered and authorizations requested weeks ago, but the authorization requests have been ignored. Perhaps the strategy is, if they ignore me, I will go away. Maybe I should ignore the pre-recorded telephone appointment reminder to assess the test results they requested that have not been authorized or done.

This is not the first time I have been to this rodeo; you would think I would be used to it by now, but I continue to waste my precious energy on them. In my heart I desperately want them to care.

I cannot afford the luxury of thinking that my life is important to them, clearly it is not.

I cannot allow them to destroy the energy I have learned how to conserve or take away the joy and gratitude that my heart naturally has!

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