life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, June 14, 2010

Sometimes the Answer is No

So, when I politely say no, it does not mean I do not appreciate you, it means I need to maintain what little control I have over my own life, right now.

Keeping my power means not falling into the make it better trap. Nobody can make this better; nobody can help me cope. It is on me and only me.

I am afraid that if I do not control what is done now, I will have no options when I get down the road. If I get into the habit of depending on others, I will be doing nothing more than making it worse for everyone around me and me. I have watched this scenario play out time and time again. I cannot allow fear of this disease, force me into to bad decisions now.

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