life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, June 14, 2010

Sometimes the Answer is No

So, when I politely say no, it does not mean I do not appreciate you, it means I need to maintain what little control I have over my own life, right now.

Keeping my power means not falling into the make it better trap. Nobody can make this better; nobody can help me cope. It is on me and only me.

I am afraid that if I do not control what is done now, I will have no options when I get down the road. If I get into the habit of depending on others, I will be doing nothing more than making it worse for everyone around me and me. I have watched this scenario play out time and time again. I cannot allow fear of this disease, force me into to bad decisions now.

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