life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


As I pay more attention to life, I begin to understand that some of the difficult situations we all get in to are created by the stories we tell ourselves. I have seen these stories be habitual explanations, dramatic exaggerations or total fabrications, but the one thing they all have in common is that the tellers sincerely believe their stories are true.

"I did this to myself, I deserve heart failure" has become part of my story.

Are people thinking "this is what happens if you do not follow the rules?"
Will my death be punishment for not following the rules?
Do I betray my goodness to tell a story to confirm medical explanations about my heart failure?
Is my story a habitual explanation, dramatic exaggeration or total fabrication?
Is my story true or just another story?

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