life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Sunday, June 20, 2010

Opening My Heart to Fear

I have spent my whole life, identifying and fighting fear; I have even taught others how to do the same. Now, I am not certain that was a good thing. Fear threatened me with poverty, pain, separation and death. I picked up my armor went to war with each of these and more to protect my quality of life and passion for my art.

While I was fighting the fear enemies inside my own head, it occurred to me that fear has surrounded all of us and become a regular business technique. Doctors, hospitals, lawyers, and insurance petal the fear of pain, then provide us with a solution for a price. Banks, lenders and other creditors tout their answer for poverty for a fee. Religion is the master fear monger. It uses our biggest fear against us, death. It appears that religions and businesses have identified our fears, then wave them at us, and shamelessly sell us their solutions. Fear has always been powerful weapon, that functions beyond our intelligence and continues to make us feel inadequate, sick and poor. It controls our every move and makes us spend our energy, life and money to avoid it.

What would happen if instead fighting fear by running from it, paying for solutions or following fear's traditions “because that is what you are suppose to do”, I take fear into my heart and accept it as part of life. Instead of acting on fear or fighting it, I accept it, hold still and breathe through it.

Can I regain my passion for life if I open my heart to fear?

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