life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Opening My Heart to Fear

I have spent my whole life, identifying and fighting fear; I have even taught others how to do the same. Now, I am not certain that was a good thing. Fear threatened me with poverty, pain, separation and death. I picked up my armor went to war with each of these and more to protect my quality of life and passion for my art.

While I was fighting the fear enemies inside my own head, it occurred to me that fear has surrounded all of us and become a regular business technique. Doctors, hospitals, lawyers, and insurance petal the fear of pain, then provide us with a solution for a price. Banks, lenders and other creditors tout their answer for poverty for a fee. Religion is the master fear monger. It uses our biggest fear against us, death. It appears that religions and businesses have identified our fears, then wave them at us, and shamelessly sell us their solutions. Fear has always been powerful weapon, that functions beyond our intelligence and continues to make us feel inadequate, sick and poor. It controls our every move and makes us spend our energy, life and money to avoid it.

What would happen if instead fighting fear by running from it, paying for solutions or following fear's traditions “because that is what you are suppose to do”, I take fear into my heart and accept it as part of life. Instead of acting on fear or fighting it, I accept it, hold still and breathe through it.

Can I regain my passion for life if I open my heart to fear?

No comments:

Post a Comment