life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Wrong Answers

Waiting and whining and the answer is no. I left a hospital with the knowledge this was bad, and most probably would not have a happy ending, and as goofy as it sounds, I was ok with that. Maybe the reality had not sunk in, or maybe it was before hope took hold.

Hope took hold. It was like a little light at the end of a long tunnel, all I had to do was be strong, keep working and keep hoping. As it turns out hope is like a rainbow, it is pretty but as soon as you get close to it, it vanishes.

This is the last no. I have wasted the last 6 months of my life chasing a rainbow and avoiding the shadows. The shadows had all of the answers that I knew in my heart, but would not look at.

I am not sure what happens next, I have been excluded from stem cell research, and declined for surgery. It is time for the roller coaster to stop. The hope has to stop, so acceptance and living can go on.

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