Waiting and whining and the answer is no. I left a hospital with the knowledge this was bad, and most probably would not have a happy ending, and as goofy as it sounds, I was ok with that. Maybe the reality had not sunk in, or maybe it was before hope took hold.
Hope took hold. It was like a little light at the end of a long tunnel, all I had to do was be strong, keep working and keep hoping. As it turns out hope is like a rainbow, it is pretty but as soon as you get close to it, it vanishes.
This is the last no. I have wasted the last 6 months of my life chasing a rainbow and avoiding the shadows. The shadows had all of the answers that I knew in my heart, but would not look at.
I am not sure what happens next, I have been excluded from stem cell research, and declined for surgery. It is time for the roller coaster to stop. The hope has to stop, so acceptance and living can go on.
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