Creativity Does Not Cancel Out Creativity

For the best part of my last few years I have been constantly coached to be happy, to live in the now, do not look back, and I believed them. I have tried desperately to let go of the past and make the best of what I have now. It is impossible! What I do, where I lived, the ones I loved, the people I admired were gone. 

I tried to appreciate what I have now.  It may be what most people feel is a good life. It is a safe and comfortable place to live. But it’s beige life. The food, the facility and most of the people are a smudgy shade of beige. It was then I realized that creativity could not cancel out my grief with a beige life. It just does not work like that. Creativity does not cancel out loss. I had laid down most of my creativity to be a part of an assisted living community. I failed at it and became even more miserable than I thought possible..

A friend brought me some of my old unsold art and other funky tidbits from my long gone glorious happy studio. Now I am looking back, I am embracing my failures, my losses and my successes they are what make me who I am.   I am looking back to recover my strength, my creativity and my ability to be alone in my little studio space. I have to look back if I want to be me. I have got a long way to go. But just figuring out this part is a huge first step!