life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

My Brothers and Sisters in Me

One of the things I have seen time and time again, was reinforced over the past few of days.Everyone grieves differently.

Over the past few days I have seen my family take such different approaches to grief. It is difficult to watch yourself grieve, but easy to recognize other familiar patterns of grief manifest. The really strong ones will never let you see any emotion. They are experts at compartmentalizing. They will weigh the pros and cons and are able to set emotion aside to make the correct decision. Then the exact opposite is those that cannot cope, but struggle to prove that they can. The constant fight within themselves manifests itself as physical ailments. And somewhere in the middle.....
I have all my brothers and sisters in me.                     
"Have a Little Faith" Micheal Franti and the Spearheads

Mother I promised you I would try...and I am, but oh my I am just now beginning to understand what you went through.

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