life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, April 30, 2010

Stay Away from Doctors!

I have a new philosophy…. Stay away from doctors!

I am not here to say they are all self serving, but my recent experience is certainly not flattering to the medical industry and the Hippocratic oath.

I suspect there is a liability insurance bean counter somewhere that is counting the “deaths on their watch” and marking them down as liabilities.

I have decided to quit submitting myself to any more rejections and humility, so the plan is to stay away from doctors all together. I will try out the heart failure clinic, but by not allowing myself to get excited or to look forward to counting on them for help and support. I have had appointments to lots of doctors and clinics that turned me down once I was there. There is nothing that indicates this will not happen again. When I have opened myself enough and depended the medical industry to help it has always ended up in disaster. Some how I thought the rules would change a bit if I was paying (or in my case Medicaid) people-doctors to care about me. I expected them to help, to care. I was wrong.

Here it is, they will not care about me even when they are paid to! (I suspect Medicaid does not pay them enough to care)

I have no intention of mounting a big campaign to fix it, I do not have the time or the energy when the simple solution is to just eliminate doctors.

I am staying away from doctors!

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