life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, April 30, 2010

Stay Away from Doctors!

I have a new philosophy…. Stay away from doctors!

I am not here to say they are all self serving, but my recent experience is certainly not flattering to the medical industry and the Hippocratic oath.

I suspect there is a liability insurance bean counter somewhere that is counting the “deaths on their watch” and marking them down as liabilities.

I have decided to quit submitting myself to any more rejections and humility, so the plan is to stay away from doctors all together. I will try out the heart failure clinic, but by not allowing myself to get excited or to look forward to counting on them for help and support. I have had appointments to lots of doctors and clinics that turned me down once I was there. There is nothing that indicates this will not happen again. When I have opened myself enough and depended the medical industry to help it has always ended up in disaster. Some how I thought the rules would change a bit if I was paying (or in my case Medicaid) people-doctors to care about me. I expected them to help, to care. I was wrong.

Here it is, they will not care about me even when they are paid to! (I suspect Medicaid does not pay them enough to care)

I have no intention of mounting a big campaign to fix it, I do not have the time or the energy when the simple solution is to just eliminate doctors.

I am staying away from doctors!

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