But what if I do not want to stay on the porch?
And here I am again….What I want to do and what my body will do are 2 entirely different things… So here I sit, lay, wallow, suck on a nebulizer, swallow even more pills, if that is possible and in general feels like crap and I wasn’t even running with the big dogs, it was more like just waving at them from the porch! The most heinous part of this wretched
disease is that I really do feel like doing it, yes I am a bit slower but there are no emotional or physical “stop sticks” in the road to keep me from doing what I love and want to do, just big old thumping clubs that show up after the fact as (and this seems to be the favorite) lungs full of fluid and in the case again….pneumonia…Damn it!
This damn disease has no fucking rules….what DID WORK last week might not work this week…. and from the other direction WHAT DID NOT WORK last week might work this week. There are no heads up, no clues and very few telltale signs ahead of time that give me any warning…It is maddening! Do I just lay around and fade away slowly afraid to try? Afraid to live? This is the absolute worst part of this! What it does to my head, is 3 times worse than what it does to my body!
"Broken Things" Dave Matthews Band
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