Why not me??

Yesterday’s noon news included one of their “health” reports, which I typically ignore, but this one was about the glorious results that were being recorded with the cardiac stem cell clinical trials. The very same trial that 2 years ago I actively campaigned to be a part of. I was on the short list for both Johns Hopkins and Shands but after extensive and invasive testing, I was inevitably deemed “not a viable candidate” for either of the trials. I was so sure I was going to be accepted, and was emotionally devastated, by both rejections. 

I have moved on, put the rejections behind me, but perhaps not as well as I thought. As the news video continued to broadcast this particular stem cell recipients glowing recovery, I found myself overwhelmed with those past feelings of elimination, anger welled up and I find myself wallowing in negativity.

I am angry, I want them to tell me, right now, why not me. Why didn’t you choose me!