life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Optional Tiara is Still Being Tested…

Fear sneaks into my life and even I forget that the only thing any of us are guaranteed is “now". In an effort to push a perfectly wonderful situation into the future; I managed to induce a full-scale meltdown that opened the door for all manner of ugly emotions to slip in! Control, anxiety and panic took advantage of the fear and marched back into my life in a matter of moments and I watched myself  being reduced to an unreasonable, blubbering and raging ball of doubt.

I sabotaged the peace and happiness of the moment by attempting to control and manipulate how it should look and feel like in the future. It was an ugly desperate attempt to hang on to the magic of now so I would still have it tomorrow. I cheated myself out of the joy that was available to me in that moment by allowing fear of the future to sneak into my life.

A wonderful and wise friend has given me a marvelous new gift. It gives me the power to contain the uncertainties of my future. It is an outrageous fear zapping magic wand and matching tiara! I can confirm that the magic wand works perfectly. The optional tiara is still being tested. There will be follow up reports!

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