life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Open, Open, Damn it, Open

Why am I hanging on to the old proper, do good, closed self, a self that I recognize but do not like. I thought I had walked away from her to pursue a more open and accepting full life. 

Why can’t I let go and truly open up? 

I look back at some of my work and I see things I did not see when I was creating them. But now the message is clear and screaming at me….. let go, quit hiding, stop planning for the future, expose yourself, all of yourself, open up, open up!   

All of the sudden I see my work is betraying me and screaming to the world “liar” you are not strong, confident, open and honest, you are just afraid.

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