life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Thursday, February 7, 2013

fAt FeEt dAYs

I hate fat feet days. Fat Feet do not hurt but they do feel little weird. “Snausage” toes are the reminder “things just ain’t right”. It is a benign but ugly warning that my heart is struggling and fluid is building.  These are the days that I am grateful for flip-flops!

I find that I do best and am the happiest when I do not focus on or give this disease any attention, when I continue my life doing what I want and can do. Then just about the time I have convinced myself that I have this mess whipped....BAMM…fat feet!! Like my heart is talking back to me and saying....Oh no BITCH you are not going to do that!!

Heart failure does not have symptoms that anyone can see, so I CAN  fool most of the people…most of the time. The only one I cannot fool is me, and these damn fat feet. Some days I am still afraid.  Some days fat feet just plain scare me.

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