life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, October 15, 2012

Head vs. Heart


I am just now learning how to “step outside of myself” to look at life and situations from a different, less emotional perspective. When handling difficult circumstances or making important decisions it is the most valuable emotional “ tool” in my box. Working from a strict “head” position has some serious advantages!

It is interesting that in today’s world so much of the media, marketing, medical and political industry are counting on me working strictly from my heart and fear. Fear (heart) is how we are controlled, thinking and common sense (head) is how we stop this.

In a recent medical situation, when I stepped beyond my emotions, and pragmatically looked at what was being done and why, it was grossly evident that these actions were not about my health needs but the desires of the financial and legal liability of others.

Using my head allowed me to take my power back, to listen, to hear and to make an intelligent decision without struggling with my fear and emotions. However, regardless of how much control I have of a situation, I often feel my heart creeping in to complicate the issue.

My heart, my emotions are mine, they are personal, they give me the ability to love, they give me the power to create, they define who I am. I cannot allow them to be used against me, so I will not behave in ways that others feel are appropriate or for their personal or financial gain. Allowing others into my heart gives them power over my head.   It is a war.

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