life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Healing my Heart

The family calendar (my sister publishes every year) is completely void of anything Cheryl, no birthday, no anniversary, or admission that I am alive.
I do not exist.

The same holds true for my brother, without the tangible calendar evidence.
I do not exist.

There are no discussions, we do not argue or fight.
We do not owe each other money or property.
We simply did not agree with each other at sometime in the past.

I need all of my heart, to heal my heart,
I acknowledge the damaging blockade in my heart created by the pain I ignored.
I am letting go all hope of having a loving relationship in the future or a chance to repair the damage from the past.

I release my resentment and hurt.
I allow myself to grieve.
I forgive.
I exist.

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