life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, March 17, 2013

I found it!

Several weeks ago, while madly rushing and framing for an art festival my tinker bell disappeared. It is an interesting piece of jewelry. A sterling silver ball that fits in a cradle that hangs on a chain around my neck. The ball has some kind of mechanism inside that makes the most wonderful sweet sound. It is a unique piece that not only functions as jewelry but keeps my nitro and med-alert tag hanging around on the backside of my neck. I don’t have be reminded or look at it or hear it wrangle around my neck unless I need it.

It was a gift from a dear sweet friend and my business partner for many years. We closed our business many years ago when she was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease and I continued with the picture framing business on my own. After 3 agonizing years she died. 

The tinker bell has been a constant and chronic reminder of how strong she was, and in the past few years the sweet sound reminds me that I too can be that strong.   

When I lost it, I was crushed. Finally, I gave up the search and accepted that maybe it was just how it was supposed to be. Maybe it was time to let go of old difficult memories. It was time to move on, move into the future and let go of the past, the loss and the pain. And, when I gave up looking for it, it appeared!

I missed having it around my neck, and I am so happy to have it back. Thank you Universe, I need her strength, I need her to remind me how strong I am going to have to be.

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