life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, April 30, 2012

When the Past Catches Up....

For the most part, my past and the people that are in it, have followed me right through to the now.  No secrets, it is what it is.  But, through Facebook an old high school friend (actually much more than an old friend) and I have reconnected.  For a few minutes as I read or type, I feel like I am 16 again, with all of the memories and excitement of a giddy teenager.  As we exchange information about how our lives moved on, our parents, our children, spouses and jobs, I wonder are there rules about telling someone that you have a chronic terminal illness.  hmmmm?
Is it important?
Will it scare them?
Will I feel less than?
Do they care?
Is it too personal?
And….how the hell do you even start that conversation?????
Someone really does need to write a rule book on this! 

(For the record, I have decided not to, because at least in one person’s eyes, I am still whole and….I like that!)

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

New Batch of Stick People!

Problem With Perfection

Perfection is a standard that other people set. 
A standard that insures the rest of us feel inferior.

There will always be those who work hard to create images of perfection.  They become thinner, smarter, richer, and more successful, not because they need to be more perfect, but they need others to feel less perfect.  
Exploiting my imperfection is how some will exert power and control over me.

I can be “not” perfect without giving away my power.
I am not perfect and it is OK!

Monday, April 2, 2012

I Am NOT a Patient...

Even Webster knows...
Patient-(noun) a person who is under medical care or treatment.
Patient-(adjective) bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.

I am NOT a patient;
I am a person that is no longer patient with today’s medical industry!
I am a unique impatient person with a happy secret! 

If only my docs and nurses knew,
I am not a patient!