life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Where the hell is my fairy godmother?

I am sick of reality!  All I really want to do is not pay attention to what my heart is or is not doing. I am convinced that it will do what it will do, and fretting and focusing on what is going on in there only wastes my energy and steals my time. But tomorrow I will have to pay attention and focus on what they tell me, tomorrow I find out what is going on in there and what we are going to do….or not do...and I am scared.  The less I think about it, the better, healthier, and happier I am. But tomorrow for just a little while I have to look reality right in the face and deal with it.  Where the hell is my fairy godmother?



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