life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


The question I still cannot seem to find the answer to is, will I ever come to terms with the physical limitations and reoccurring illness imposed by a sick heart?
Will I ever really learn how not to surrender to the psychological effects?

Accepting the inevitable is easy when compared to living the every day details of a compromised life. I know and understand on an intellectual level that one of my biggest challenge is maintaining balance. I have learned that accepting limitations without becoming an invalid is a prickly crooked path. But, on days like today, it is so hard and incredibly lonely.

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