life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Without Permission…

Taking my power back has been the most significant healing thing I have ever done for myself. Taking power back may be a new and difficult concept for some, but once you have it, it is a great thing that you will never let go of!

In the past I felt like I did make up my own mind, but I have learned that realistically I was so afraid of making the wrong choices that I culled opinions, listened to doctors/nurses and pled my case for public consensus before making a decision. I critically weighed all input, (seldom listening to my own heart) before making any major decision. In most cases I went with popular opinion or what the “biggest” expert recommended, and then grieved and doubted my decision. Each little choice kept me questioning myself and my own judgment wondering it I have done the right thing, and what will happen if I didn’t.

Not once did it occur to me that my real power comes only from listening to my own heart and my body.

I trust myself, I am perfectly willing to make mistakes and learn from the consequences associated with my decisions.

I am taking my power back, without permission!

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