life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, January 24, 2011

I Do Not Know What That Is

Desperately searching for all the things I want to accomplish, while I still can, I have learned that I have no idea what I am doing. There never have been any long-term directions or distinguishing themes to my life. I always managed to rise to the typical expectations, but nothing more.

I am feeling desperate to achieve that marvelous life that will fulfill me.
I am feeling more overwhelmed and worthless than I have ever been.

How do I be everything I want to be, even when I do not know what that is?

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