life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Thursday, October 17, 2019

Where are the pills for this????


There are hundreds of medications that deal with pain, but the one most difficult pain imaginable is grief, and there is nothing like it…physically and emotionally.  It is like the universe demands that all viable souls on this planet experience the full depth and breadth of loss.  And so, I stand in it, unmedicated grief, letting it wash over me, I thought the well appreciated and socially recognized relief from religion, friends, and family would be my saving grace.  It gave me a few precious moments of welcomed distraction but I have discovered there is nothing that will ease the pain of grief and loss.  My only choice is to learn how to incorporate pain into my life.  My biggest question still remains why our culture does not talk about it, prepare for it or figure out what it takes to see each other through it?  We do not talk about or prepare to be alone (especially if you have not been for over 45 yrs).  Making a decision good or bad and suffering all of the consequences by myself.  Seeing something funny or infuriating and having no one to share it with.  Going to bed alone, waking up alone. Trying to cook for 1…Thank goodness for TV Dinners and Slim fast.  I know there a millions and millions of people that do this every day….it can be done.  Why does it still hurt so much? When does it get easier? Where are the pills for this?

"Jagged Little Pills" Alanis Morisette

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