life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Thursday, October 3, 2019

What is normal?


This never-ending cold and allergy crap has managed to stir up pneumonia and I am back on antibiotics.  The good news is that I have breathing treatments and O2 already here at home and with today's antibiotics, it will be just a few days before I am back to normal…

Then I realized that “back to normal” is what I have been expecting my life to return to.  That I would eventually get used to Skip’s death and sometime soon my life would go back to normal.  Normal, for me, means back to the way things used to be.  I now understand that my life will never again be like it used to be. It can’t be. Skip is gone and my life will never be the same.

Somehow, some way I have to learn to take the loss of the future I thought I was going to have, and take my love and my scars and move forward, it won’t be the normal I have been trying so desperately to return to, it will be different. I have no idea what my “new normal” will look like and there are times that it is just plain frightening and overwhelming. I need to quit beating myself up for not getting back to normal.

"By Your Side"  Ben Taylor

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