Today marks the end of 4 months and the beginning of the 5th
I have been alone. His death still
marks my time weekly and monthly. August 5th feels like yesterday
and years ago at the same time and I struggle to keep track because my emotions and
grief play terrible tricks on my perception of time in both my heart and head. One of
the things I have learned is how awkward it is to be around people. I work so hard to smile, blend in, NOT to
talk about it so no one is uncomfortable, but it is exhausting and painful to
pretend that I am recovered, and back to normal. I know most people want and expect the old me,
and I try, but to be so profoundly changed, grieving, and so different at the same time
is brutal. I do not want anyone to feel
sorry for me, I just wish I could share this grief. But until then I am learning to accept me, and
the glorious mess that I am.
"Gray Street" Dave Mathews Band
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